How to Use Google Trends

Google trends is an incredibly useful and informative resource, and I would like to pick out a few trends that really stuck out as interesting to me:

1. Search France, and you get this graph of trends

What does this graph say about France? Notice the 

relative lack of interest about France throughout most of the calendar year. The nation most likely to search for France on 

google...is France! What a surprise, those smug Frenchies are most likely to look themselves up on google. It must be discou

raging to search for your nation on google and find nothing but news stories about how pussy you've been lately and pictures of the eiffel tower, snails and this...

I know what you're saying to yourself... "There is no way that a picture of 5 shirtless men swimming in France comes up on the first page of image results on google." It does. 

Another interesting point of the graph

 of trends is the spike one a year in interest in France. This can only be explained through one very logical hypothesis. French people have terrible hygiene and ar

e a generally lazy, unproductive people. Once a year, however, even they cannot stand the smell of body odor, cheap wine and cigarette smoke. So they bathe. Once a year, they break out the soap and head to the public bath house where they compare packages and talk about bread (which they do every day, but not in the nude). It is the peak of productivity in France, and for a solid month after this glorious day of actually getting shit done, they feel empowered. A nationalistic pride spread across the wine soaked lands and therefore, they search for their own nation on google. 

The nation that searches for France the second most is Morocco. According to statistics that definitely exist, 7 people and 2 camels have computers in Morocco, so their coming in second doesn't bode well for France.

Another trend of interest is cannibalism, as shown below:

Notice how trendy cannibalism was in early 2004. I have a few theories behind this spike in cannibalism:

1. George W. Bush wins re-election. In disbelief that this could ever happen in reality, people begin eating each other out of sheer confusion and disbelief.

2. 2004 was declared the international year of rice by the UN. Looking for something to eat besides bland, boring rice, people turn to cannibalism for the sake of variety.

3. The last coal mine in France was closed this year. With no cash or food supply, the French people turn to cannibalism as a primary food source.

4. The "curse of the bambino" is broken by the Boston Red Sox. In celebration, the Red Sox nation consumes an estimated 40,000 New York Yankee fans.

5. Marlon Brando's body finally ends its fight with his exponentially increasing weight issue, due in large part to massive amounts of cannibalism by Marlon.

6. Mount St. Helen's becomes active again and the people of Washington state begin their ritualistic cannibalistic sacrifice to appease the volcano Gods.

So you can hold, George W. Bush, the United Nations, France (of course), Babe Ruth, Marlon Brando and the State of Washington for these atrocities.