No Homo

READ THE FIRST ENTRY FIRST

READ THE FIRST ENTRY FIRST

No Homo is an overused term by men of all ages, but primarily among college-age males. It can be used in almost any situation, but guys are using it as a way to borderline rape their fellow men. You can call it when you tell someone you like their shoes, you can call it when touch someone oddly, but you cannot call it when you dry hump your buddy at a party. 

Hypothetical situation I've never been in:

Guy 1: Hey man, nice pants. They look kickass with your Celine Dion tour t-shirt. No homo

Guy 2: Thanks dude, great package. No homo

Guy 1: Want to go have gay sex? No homo

Guy 2: Can I finish my wine cooler first?

None of the uses of no homo in this situation were acceptable or appropriate. Celine Dion is ridiculous for a few reasons:

1. She's from Canada

2. She pronounces words wrong. It's not an accent, it's wrong (this does not go for all places, just Canada)

3. She sucks

As for the package comment, any comment about another man's body/genitals in inexcusable and should be kept within the depths of your hair covered chest because any comment of this nature is, in fact, homo.

No homo should have been used after the wine cooler comment, since contrary to popular belief, they are not made from wine and juices but in fact from concentrated gay.

Below is a list of things not excusable through the use of No Homo:

1. Being from France

2. Gay Sex

3. Watching lifetime network

4. Working out to Richard Simmons

5.  Spending more than 10 seconds talking about a rainbow

6. Comparing penises 

7. Winning your buddy a prize at the fair

8. Eating tofu

9. Eating turkey substitutes for anything (if you're going to eat turkey meatballs, just go the half-step further and have balls instead)

10. Smacking you buddy's ass in a non-locker room/sports game setting

11. Jack Johnson

So stop using no homo for everything and admit your brief lapses of heterosexuality. Thank you